Thoughts of the Thought-Less - Wed, 2008-05-14 21:41 By Shimaa Gamal
- Sameh hates my complicated life. That makes us two. I don’t know why in my quest for a simple life I end up complicating everything in hand. I don’t know why our simplest wishes are always the hardest to have. All what I wanted is to do the things I love to do. I wanted to skip people and live in a selective solitude where only the things I want are allowed in. I wanted to have the privilege of occasionally enjoying exercising my emotions with someone I can trust will be there the next morning. Why leading the simple life is always so complicated.
- I can’t fight the need to lock myself in an empty white room. I want to be locked in a place full of light and cleanness.
- It is really amazing how sometimes I fail to understand the basic concepts I fight for. I worship my “me” time. I cherish the personal space but yet I constantly fail to understand the other’s spaces. I keep moaning that people don’t respect my morning pause. I won’t stop complaining about those who can’t understand my occasional need to connect with my secret place within. I know that I need time to think things over alone yet I can never stop nagging when someone is off to his cave.
- Too much pressure should kill me but unfortunately I don’t die. I don’t know if that is of the good fortunes of the world or that it is an old curse but I just don’t die.
Everyone is trying to convince me that my best interest is doing things the way the want. My father, HH, my friends and even the maid believes that I should do the things her way because my best interest is what she thinks. Hello world! thanks for being so much concerned but I kinda prefer ruining my life my way and if you think I would ever cave of pressure I guess it is about time to get your plan B off your drawers because today I decided not to cave.
- HH said he thinks I am selfish, he said that though I am selfish but yet he loves this very trait about me. I wondered what made him think I am selfish; he said that everything in this life is always about me. He said that I seldom integrate others in my sentences.
I never denied being self centered but the thing is it’s always been about me. Even that very long session of brainwash was eventually about me. I could sure integrate others in that sentence, as he was the others and the brainwash was mainly about how he would like to be integrated into me! In a second thought, I prefer being self-centered to being centered by HH!
- Today I decided not to cave, but I am not sure about tomorrow. The white flag seems to be an appealing option. I would put the arms and let go with whatever flow available. Just in case anyone cared, tell ‘em that I would have led a wonderful life, I would have done the things I have wanted, I would have change but unfortunately I failed.
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