Some wholeheartedly believe in the saying: “Love is never enough”, no one wonders: “What is?!”. As if we need something to be enough on its own, which is just wrong. And because we always bounce back and forth between extremes, we stop loving entirely, because .. lol .. it’s never enough! We turn into adamant stagnant human beings who give themselves the satisfaction of being different and out of the circle.

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation – Oscar Wilde

This is why I’m not really a fan of quotes, including the one I just mentioned, and you know why? because somehow when it’s read, one assumes he’s from ‘most people’, without a sliver of evidence that they actually are. Heck.

I’m sick of all the riddles. I want to get on track, to join the circle again, that circle we – the intellectuals and the thinkers – strive to break, because we hate the country and the status quo. Well, surprise! There’s no out of circle here. It takes refuge in our heads only. You’ll just suffer or relieve your pain by being dramatic.

By the way .. I was never pro-mediocrity that way. But I got thoroughly tired of all the maneuvers. One can hold on for so long.

“I know this might come off as weird, but I’m changing rules somehow”

“How so?”

“Well, remember when I always told you that I will never marry someone unless I’m ready to make them happy”.

“Yes”

“I will never be ready.”

In the software field, we study a nifty concept named ‘a deadlock’. A deadlock takes place when two events, mutually dependent, and in a rare scenario, wait for each other. They create a cycle that stops moving, because both can’t take the next step without the other taking theirs.

So if I had a dream that requires effort, I need someone to cheer me along, to encourage me to move further, to validate me and love me enough to take in life smiling and score my miles – a woman.

But, to make her happy, I would want to already have accomplished the dream, to have fulfilled myself enough to be ready for her, to have secured the necessary resources for society’s peace of mind.

I’m stuck. It doesn’t exactly feel nice btw.

And then comes yet another intriguing point; do we marry for these reasons? I mean, what if (I freaking hate these two words) I fouuuunnddd the love of my life, what guarantees I can offer that the moment I make progress (because of her presence of course), I won’t simply go away? Isn’t that the role I pictured in mind anyway? Or I’m supposed to be helping her in some sort too?

How can one be sure of this? You know what I think? I think love is enough in this context, it’s the only thing that’ll work. You just have to love them more than you love your own dreams. If you don’t, the moment you reach the finish line, you’ll dump them.

Needless to say, they’ll have to think about you the same way too. Talk about freaking Chemistry here.

You know what’s the funniest thing ever? Sometimes, marriage itself as a milestone is the finish-line, and the dumping here is implicit and devious. Ironic .. bitterly ironic.

A confession: I never got in a relationship before.

I’m a glutton for anecdotes though, I witnessed some serious shit along my years, and I hate people for it, and the more time passes by, the more unsure I get of my own assets in relationships.

Chocolate?

No, nothing specific in mind.

Cloth?

Nope, I never really had a certain brand in mind while shopping.

Ok, what about food?

Meh, it comes and goes .. but I like Pizza.

Don’t you have any obsessions?!!!

I .. umm .. obsess about women, I’m very sensitive when it comes to their face expressions. I watch ..

Toz Feek!

That took place with a very dear friend :)

When a man is down, he might need a hundred men to lift him up with all the strength and liver they have. But a word out of a woman’s lips, might have the necessary magic to carry him up like wind carries leaves and petals.

And when a woman is insecure, she might need a hundred women to round a hundred hugs with all the tightness and the safety they could exude, but then comes a flat broad chest to embrace her into her kind of heaven.

And we all know it.

Don’t we?

So .. what should I do about that part I’m stuck in?

Do I say the word and take my chances?

or pretend to be strong and row my boat alone,

[P.S. thanks for listening :)]

[P.S. I change thoughts by day, don't take me seriously, I'm thoroughly out of balance these days, and I was just venting to my friends.]